This is a book recommended from the company, quite useful in some ways.
People describe me as the type of person who can talk to anyone, but it's really that I can listen to anyone.
People get lonely for lack of Listening. Many people are lonely not because they are alone. Lonely people have no one with whom to share their thoughts and feelings, and, equally important, they have no one who shares thoughts and feelings with them.
Bad listeners are not necessarily bad people. Perhaps you, yourself, are not the best listener.
Polling proved a poor substitute for actually listening to people in their communities and understanding the realities of their everyday lives and the values that drive their decisions.
我不是完全认同。比如政客听取民众意见，显然不可能挨家挨户听过来。很多时候调查问卷只是高效收集信息地手段（相比听取每个人地意见）。
90-9-1 rule: 90% of users of a given online platform just observe and do not participate, 9% comment or contribute sparingly, and a scant 1% create most of the content.
Most frequently cited bad listening behaviors:
- interrupting
- responding vaquely or illogically to what was just said
- looking at a phone, watch
- fidgeting (tapping on the table, clicking a pen, etc.)
Hearing is passive, listening is active. Understanding is the goal of listening, and it takes effort.
To listen well is to figure out what's on someone's mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know.
By listening first rather than jumping in prematurely to explain or reassure in a way that missed the point, the clinician was able to get on mother's wavelength so they could connect on a deeper level
Talking to yourself doesn't add anything to your knowledge base. Again, you already know about you. When you leave a conversation, ask yourself, what did I just learn about that person? What was most concering to that person today? How did that person feel about what we were talking about? If you can't answer those questions, you probably need to work on your listening.
Chapter 7
USC experiment: fMRI scanner to look at volunteers' brains. When beliefs were challenged. Parts of their brains lit up as if they were being chased by a bear.
It's far more useful to find out how other people arrived at heir conclusions and what you can learn from them-whether it changes or shores up your own thinking. At the moment you feel you are going to react with hostility toward those who disagree with you, take a breath and ask them a question, not to expose flawed logic but truly expand your understanding of where they are coming from.
Amygdala plays a role in people's reaction to opposing opinions.
"negative capability", at the root of creativity because it leads to new ways of thinking about things.
To listen doesn't mean or imply that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person's point of view and that you might have something to learn from it.
Chapter 12
Good listeners are all about the support response.
另一种是shift response。区别在于一种是把话题引向自己，一种是鼓励对方说。
Being aware of someone's troubles does not mean you need to fix them. People usually aren't looking for solutions from you anyway; they just want a sounding board.
安抚女朋友神技。
Chapter 13
Our language comprehension is generally better and faster when heard in the right ear versus the left.
Cochlea (a part of ear) is Greek for snail.
Chapter 17: When to stop listening
While you can learn something from everyone, that doesn't mean you have to listen to everyone until they run out of breath.
Four maxims for conversational expectations:
- Maxim of Quality - we expect the truth
- Maxim of QUantity - we expect to get information we don't already know and not so much that we feel overwhelmed
- Maxim of Relation - we expect relevance and logical flow
- Maxim of Manner - we expect the speaker to be reasonably brief, orderly, and unambiguous